A Son For Christmas (West Coast Christmas Secrets Book 1) Page 10

  He was definitely sailing in uncharted waters now. Better to stick to the calm protected cove rather than venturing into the rough waters of the channel. Because of their son, he was in this for the long haul, and he didn’t want to crash on the rocks.

  So, Kendra wondered about his history with other women? Well, that was pretty natural. In fact, it would be kind of odd if she didn’t wonder about it.

  “It’s only fair for you to ask about my relationships too,” he said to Kendra. “You told me about your past, so you have a right to know about mine.” He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

  “I appreciate your honesty too,” Kendra said.

  “It’s all out on the table now.” Glancing at the television and noticing for the first time that the game had ended, he stood up and stretched. “Guess it’s time for me to hit the sack too. Thanks again for everything. It’s been a wonderful weekend.”

  He headed up the stairs, stopping at the landing to look back at her sitting on the sofa. She didn’t meet his gaze, but her face was covered in disappointment.

  * * *

  Over the next few days, Kendra enjoyed the comfortable rhythm that she, Shane, and Matt easily assumed. Off to work or school in the morning, talking about their day over dinner in the kitchen, followed by playtime with Matt and getting him ready for bed. Even though they would have saved gas by driving to work together, both Shane and Kendra agreed it would be best to keep their living arrangements under wraps for the time being.

  Matt’s excitement over the upcoming holidays was building, and he could barely contain his enthusiasm for the plans to decorate the Christmas tree on Saturday. With all the talk centered on either day-to-day activities or holiday preparations and with busy schedules at work, neither Kendra nor Shane had time to bring up the subject of their own relationship and where it might go.

  Arriving at work on Friday morning, Kendra saw the flashing red light on her phone indicating a message was waiting. Bad way to start the day. She didn’t like dealing with something before she even settled at her desk.

  She logged into her voicemail. Dread turned to alarm as she listened to Clint Wheeler’s voice. The company president’s message detailed the breaking news that one of QJV’s suppliers in the Far East had been found to be running a virtual sweat shop operation. Clint announced a mandatory nine o’clock management meeting to deal with the crisis.

  Nine o’clock was a few minutes away. After grabbing her notebook, she headed for the conference room to deal with the unpleasant details.

  “We’re already on the CNN scroll bar,” Clint Wheeler barked to the room already filled with his directors and VPs. “How the hell did this happen? We sure don’t want anything to do with violations of human rights.”

  “Somebody obviously dropped the ball when they lined up this outfit as a supplier of silicon chips,” Shane said.

  “We may be able to minimize the PR damage by immediately dropping this supplier,” Kendra suggested. “Put out a statement about our commitment to dealing only with firms that respect basic human rights and practice ethical treatment of workers.”

  “Two other companies supply us with chips,” David Logan, the VP of manufacturing, said. “We should be able to increase our orders with them and drop this outfit without having any problem with our supply chain.”

  “No so fast,” Shane said. He stood and extended his arms. “I agree we don’t want to work with firms that treat their employees unethically. But are we really helping those workers if we drive their employer out of business? Maybe we should insist they change their policies if they want to continue to do business with us.”

  “How quickly can they change their policies?” Kendra asked. She drummed her fingers on the table. “We have negative PR running across the CNN scroll bar. I need to release an appropriate statement right away or we may lose a significant number of our customers.”

  “How about showing some concern for those workers who are being treated unfairly?” Shane shot her an annoyed look, and he took his seat, not breaking eye contact.

  “Of course, I’m concerned about them,” Kendra shot back. “I didn’t make the decision to work with this supplier. Right now, I’m trying to help preserve QJV’s reputation as a responsible corporate citizen.”

  “Look,” Clint Wheeler cut in, “nothing’s going to be gained by squabbling over this. Shane, Kendra, and David all make good points.” He turned to Kendra. “I want you to put out a press release saying we are ceasing the purchase of silicon chips from this firm until they clean up the way they treat their workers. We’ll work with them to help them make things right. That way, their workers may still keep their jobs. And we’ll get good PR for helping them to improve their business practices.”

  Kendra nodded. “I’ll get right to work on it.” She gathered her notes and quickly exited the conference room.

  “Kendra, what was that all about?” Ron Hernandez from the finance department asked when he caught up with her at the elevator.

  “What do you mean?” She feigned ignorance, even though she felt sure he was referring to the back-and-forth with Shane.

  “The way Shane McCarthy looked more annoyed with you, specifically.” Ron gave Kendra a scrutinizing look. “Do you two have a problem with each other?”

  She felt her heart racing. “Not that I know of,” she said, willing her face to stay neutral. “He’s fairly new at QJV. Probably trying to make a name for himself.”

  When the elevator doors opened, and Kendra saw several people inside, she felt a wave of relief that there would be no more business talk with Ron Hernandez for now. Talking about her relationship with Shane McCarthy with work colleagues was at the very bottom of her to-do list.

  * * *

  At home that night while Matt was nearby, Shane and Kendra spoke ever so politely to each other the entire evening. The fake kind of polite when you really want to tell the other person off but can’t, either because you work for them or there are other people around. In this case, Kendra knew the fake politeness was because neither one wanted their son to hear any bit of disagreement between them.

  It only took a few minutes after Matt was tucked into bed for the tension from their encounter at Clint Wheeler’s meeting to flare up. “I didn’t appreciate the way you spoke to me at that meeting today,” she said, unable to contain her annoyance after coming downstairs from Matt’s bedroom.

  Shane looked up from flipping through the TV channels while sitting in one of the club chairs in the living room. “What do you mean? I asked the questions that needed to be asked, that’s all.”

  “Interesting that none of the other managers felt the need to be quite so…thorough.”

  “Maybe they’re not as good at saying what needs to be said as I am.” Shane set the remote on the coffee table and stared directly at her.

  “Was that what it was? Saying what needed to be said?” She settled onto the sofa, returning his stare. “Because it felt more like you were trying to make it look like I was in charge of bringing that supplier on board in the first place. Like I was the one who drew up the contract without having a clue about their employment practices. And you know I had nothing to do with that.”

  Shane stood and put his hands in his pockets. “Is that what it seemed like to you? Because I really wasn’t trying to be harsh with you…” He walked around the coffee table and sat next to her on the sofa. “Maybe I was letting my frustration show.”

  “What frustration? About injustice across the globe?” She frowned. “Didn’t you spend seven years in the military doing your best to make things better?”

  “Not about that.” His voice dropped to a husky growl. “The frustration is about you. I – I’ve been trying to keep everything between us cordial for the sake of Matt. Like we’re exes who’ve remained friends.”

  “Well, we sort of are, except the friendship was missing in action for a few years. But I think we’re friends now.” What was he getting at? Was it so hard to be cor
dial to her?

  “That’s not what I want.” Shane leaned toward her and gently eased her back a few degrees. “Being around you…you’re so damned good-looking. You know what we had back then. I want you again. Like before.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Before Kendra processed what Shane was saying, his mouth was on hers and his tongue found its way inside. His warm breath on her face assured her this was no dream.

  He broke the kiss and whispered, “You’re even more beautiful than I remembered.”

  “Shane—”

  “I don’t know how I could have walked away so easily. Now I know I was a jerk too.”

  A provocative sensation that had been stored deep in her memory returned to life. It had been so long. She was almost ready to reach out and begin unbuttoning his shirt when her friend Olivia’s words from their Thanksgiving morning phone call screamed in her head.

  Be careful, Kendra. Be careful.

  Wasn’t this how she ended up as a single mom? What was she doing? A jumble of thoughts bounced around in her brain as she felt Shane’s caress. She wanted him; she wanted him so desperately, but…

  “Wait, Shane.” If he didn’t detour soon, she knew there’d be no turning back. “Please don’t.”

  “Should we go upstairs instead?” he whispered.

  “No—”

  “Right here on the sofa?” He pulled back and unhooked his belt.

  “No, stop. I’m not ready for this.”

  “Oh, I can take my time. As much time as you need.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” She knew he was more than ready to take her to a place they’d been years before…a place she now knew she ached to return to again. But on what terms? Pure physical release and nothing more?

  This wasn’t going to be some kind of one-night stand. He was living in her house, for heaven’s sake. If they ventured back into intimate territory…

  No, if she experienced those feelings with Shane again, she’d never want to return to the neat and tidy existence she’d grown used to.

  Then again, what would it hurt, just this once? It would feel so good. It felt so good already, and when they physically became one, it could only get better.

  It had been so many years. And Shane was so handsome. She knew his physique was amazing—she’d seen every inch of him on display in her bathroom little more than a week ago.

  Why should she resist anyway? They’d done this before—many times. She wasn’t an innocent virgin. Matt was proof positive of that. And her son’s resemblance to the man atop her provided the proof that it was indeed Shane McCarthy who’d fathered her child.

  She couldn’t forget the way Shane sent shockwaves of pure pleasure through her.

  That was it, she suddenly realized. She’d loved how Shane made her feel.

  But did she love him? They hadn’t had enough time together before for her to really be sure. Mind-blowing sex hadn’t helped her to hold onto him before. Why would things be any different now?

  “No,” she said, gasping for breath as she pushed him away. “I don’t want things between us to be only about sex.”

  His hands froze in mid-caress.

  “Is that what you think?”

  “I’m not sure. But I want to be certain before we take that step again.”

  He pulled away from her and anchored himself at the opposite end of the sofa. “I apologize if I was forcing you into something you don’t want. I guess I read your signals wrong.”

  “Maybe you didn’t read my signals wrong.” She shot him a look that felt almost apologetic. “Maybe I was wrong to send those signals. This is bigger than the two of us now.”

  She tilted her head toward the staircase. “We have to consider Matt now and how our relationship will affect him. His well-being comes first.”

  Shane rose from the sofa and sighed. “You’re right. Matt’s well-being is the most important thing. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  He planted a chaste kiss on the top of Kendra’s head and turned toward the stairs. “See you in the morning. Big day of Christmas tree decorating ahead.”

  She couldn’t help feeling like a deflated balloon as she watched him ascend the stairs to his bedroom. Had she done the right thing by resisting his advances tonight? Because deep down she wanted him in her bed, not her spare room.

  How much longer could she resist giving in to temptation?

  * * *

  Right after breakfast the next morning, Kendra asked Shane to help bring the boxes of ornaments in from the garage. They avoided mentioning what had happened—or nearly happened—on the sofa the night before.

  Hauling in the large box containing the tree, he said, “Did you carry this box inside by yourself last year? This thing is pretty heavy.”

  “I’m stronger than I look.” She gave him a pointed look. “In more ways than one.”

  “I don’t doubt that.” He placed the cardboard box on the living room floor and surveyed the room. “Where’s this tree going?”

  “I usually move that big pot with the snake plant into the dining room and set up the tree in front of that wall.” She motioned to a large terra cotta pot with a cluster of pointy, yellow-edged leaves.

  “This weighs a ton too,” he groaned, lifting the hefty pot to make way for the Christmas tree.

  Taking note of his muscled thighs as he squatted to lift the weighty plant, she got that comfortable feeling that came with knowing a man was around to handle the heavy lifting. His firm biceps tensed as he hoisted the plant waist-high and toted it to an empty corner of the dining room.

  He had the total package, no doubt about that.

  Shane removed the pre-lit Fraser fir from the box and assembled it to its full height of six feet. He plugged the electric cord into the outlet and stepped back with a flourish. “Ta da!” The tree came aglow with a riot of multi-colored twinkling lights. Kendra and Matt both laughed and clapped.

  She couldn’t help thinking that everything felt so right. It was like they were a real family. A real family except the woman was afraid to let the man get intimate with her.

  Was there a chance they might be a family in the true sense of the word?

  Families came in all different variations, and that was fine. She’d developed a wonderful family since Matt had been born. Mother and son with a loving grandfather and aunt nearby. It was a family that a lot of people would envy.

  But could it transform into something more?

  Her family was certain to undergo some kind of transformation now that Shane knew he had a son and wanted to be part of Matt’s life. But would he move right into the nucleus of their family? Straight to the core alongside her? As a real couple and not separate bodies in their own orbits, occasionally crossing paths on special occasions?

  She caught the reflection of the tree’s sparkling lights in the mirror near the front door. Maybe it was the trappings of the Christmas holiday that made her think hard about what it would be like to be with Shane…forever. Not merely as Matt’s parents but as husband and wife.

  And as lovers. Like before but even more.

  Turning her attention back to Shane as he enlisted Matt to help spot any burned-out bulbs, she was blanketed by a feeling of contentment. She hadn’t felt this way during the holidays for a long time.

  It wasn’t any secret that, although the Christmas season was supposed to be the happiest time of the year, it made some people depressed for a variety of reasons. And a big reason was not having a partner when so many people were sharing romantic moments surrounded by the warmth of sparkling lights and familiar holiday tunes.

  She had lived through a number of Christmases where she’d endured holiday parties feeling like she was the only woman without a husband or boyfriend. Crying on her sofa after one too many commercials that showed men surprising their wives with expensive jewelry for Christmas. Practically went through an entire box of tissues watching some of those movies where the heroine begins the Christmas season lonely and de
pressed and ends up with her own version of Prince Charming by Christmas Eve.

  When would it happen for her? Was her personal Prince Charming right in her living room, laughing with their son? Or did Shane consider her no more than the vessel that had brought his son into the world, someone to be cordial to and respect? And a woman who’d sometimes be willing to let him cross the line from cordial to affectionate to even passionate, as he’d tried to do last night?

  She wanted something lasting, something real. She’d had enough of being some guy’s temporary fling. She knew she deserved better than that, and it was time to stop settling for occasional brief relationships, based mostly on sexual desires.

  But who even knew if anybody remotely close to Prince Charming actually existed in real life?

  She resolved to put aside her musings about a possible future with Shane. After all, the purpose of the day was to make it one that Matt would never forget. “Why don’t you guys play ball outside while I make lunch?”

  “But…” Matt pointed to the tree and the boxes of ornaments.

  “Then we’ll decorate the tree,” she promised Matt. “Exactly the way you wanted. Hot cocoa, cookies, and Christmas songs.”

  Watching Shane and Matt pull on their jackets and hurry to the back door, she was determined to make the next few weeks the most wonderful time of the year for Matt. She’d make sure this would be a Christmas he’d happily remember for the rest of his life.

  After that, there’d be plenty of time to do some hard thinking about where her life was going.

  * * *

  Shane felt good tossing a ball outdoors on a cool fall day. He had enjoyed this kind of activity what seemed like a million times before. As a young kid with his dad, with his buddies as an adolescent, even as an adult when he’d played some baseball in college.

  But this was different. He was the dad now, the one coaching his son. Showing Matt how to step forward with his lead foot and use his entire body when throwing. Reminding him to keep his eye on the ball when catching.