A Son For Christmas (West Coast Christmas Secrets Book 1) Page 4

  Her eyes filled with tears. “My mother,” she said, choking on the words. “I hadn’t been home much the last couple of months of my senior year. Between finishing up all my courses before graduation…and you…” Tears flowed down her cheeks, and she slumped into the chair.

  “What happened with your mother?” Her tears gave him a bad feeling.

  “She was so sick. I didn’t even know it,” Kendra sobbed. “At my graduation, I noticed she’d lost a lot of weight. Weight she didn’t need to lose.”

  Between sobs, she related how her mother had barely picked at her food when her family had gone out to eat after the graduation ceremony. Her father finally said he was worried about the lack of appetite and weight loss over the past few weeks and insisted she see her doctor right away. Within a few days, she’d been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

  “Did – did she make it?” he asked.

  Kendra shook her head. “Cancer is horrible. And pancreatic cancer is one of the worst. My mom was already in Stage Four when she was diagnosed.”

  “Stage Four?”

  “It had already spread beyond her pancreas. They said it was in her liver and lungs too. They couldn’t do anything other than keep her comfortable. She only lived a few weeks after she was diagnosed.”

  He eased onto the arm of Kendra’s chair and pulled her close, nestling her head on his chest. “I’m so sorry about your mother,” he said. “I’m sure that was very hard for you. Losing her so quickly. And so young.”

  Her sobs continued, and he stroked her head. “And you didn’t know you were pregnant while this was going on?”

  “It was a struggle getting through each day. We were able to keep Mom at home until she passed. Nurses and trained volunteers from a hospice organization helped us care for her. My dad, my sister, and I made sure she was in a familiar environment until her time came.”

  “I can’t even imagine…”

  “No, don’t even try. I mean, how can anyone even understand it? Someone is healthy one day, and the next thing you know she’s in the advanced stages of cancer.”

  Pulling her closer, he said, “I wish I’d known so I could’ve tried to give you some support.”

  “Me too.” Kendra sniffed, pulled away from his embrace, and dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve. “And I didn’t intentionally set out to keep Matt a secret from you.”

  “It’s still hard to accept.”

  “Honestly, I didn’t realize I was pregnant until a few weeks after my mother’s funeral. There was so much going on with her illness that I missed two periods and didn’t even notice it. I know it sounds stupid, but when I finally did realize I was way overdue, at first I chalked it up to stress. Then I figured I’d better take a pregnancy test, so I’d be sure.”

  “I guess I can understand that. But when you finally did figure out you were pregnant, why didn’t you try to notify me?” He looked hard at Kendra. “Forget the stuff about disconnected cell phones. The internet makes finding people pretty easy. I know you could’ve figured out how to get a message to me eventually. So why didn’t you want to?”

  “I-I can’t…”

  Shane saw she was struggling to keep her tears from starting again. He felt the urge to sweep her into his arms, kiss away her tears, and then let nature take its course. Like it had about seven years ago. But no, they had big issues to settle right now. He had to keep pressing her for an answer.

  “So, how come I never heard from you, Kendra?”

  “I think I could ask the same question. How come I never heard from you?”

  “What do you mean? How would I even know you were pregnant?”

  The tears that had been threatening to spill from Kendra’s eyes were gone, replaced by a determined look. “Whether I was pregnant or not, how come I never heard from you? You left at the end of May for basic training. My cell phone number didn’t change. I still had the same e-mail address too.” She fixed her stare on him.

  “We couldn’t make phone calls or send texts or emails—”

  “But what about after basic training was over? You didn’t contact me even though we’d had more than two months of a pretty intense relationship.” She crossed her arms. “I guess for you it was only about the sex, wasn’t it?”

  Shane recoiled as though she’d slapped him. He’d spent the past twenty-four hours with his brain in a jumble of emotions. Shock and anger had been at the forefront. But guilt hadn’t worked its way anywhere near the front of the line. In fact, guilt hadn’t even gotten into the line. Until this very second, he hadn’t even considered that he might have played a part in the keeping of the secret about their baby. Why hadn’t he contacted Kendra again after he’d left the San Francisco area?

  Struggling to find a response to her question, his ability to think on his feet was absent without leave. “Of course, it wasn’t only about the sex,” he finally said. “What kind of guy do you think I am?”

  “That’s what I’m trying to find out.”

  “Hold on. You seemed to like me well enough back then. We spent a lot of time together. And we did more than have sex. You must’ve gotten a pretty good idea of what I was like.”

  “I did. Or I thought I did.” Kendra waved her hand through the air. “I thought you were funny, smart, great-looking…I felt good when I was with you. What about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “How did you feel about me?”

  “The same,” he said. “You’re funny, smart, and great-looking too. You were all of those things then, and you still are now.”

  “Don’t get me wrong—I liked the sex too. But I liked it more because it was with you.”

  “Sounds like we were on the same page.”

  “But when you left for the army and I hadn’t heard a word from you after two months, it seemed that all you liked about me was the physical part,” Kendra said. “I figured you’d move on to the next girl.”

  “Look, I guess I was wrapped up with my army training,” Shane said. “It was the start of my dream, and all I wanted was to make sure the whole thing came true.”

  “And there was no place for me in that dream?”

  “I’m not saying I didn’t make a mistake. It was wrong not to keep in touch.”

  “So, where do we go from here?” Kendra shrugged.

  It didn’t take much reflection for him to decide he would have been fine with keeping up some kind of relationship with Kendra. For sure, a physical relationship. Logistics were a challenge, but the eventual reward—no question that would have been sweet. And if he’d known she was pregnant with his baby…

  “I’m really sorry for the way I acted,” he said. “But I can guarantee if the situation had been reversed and I’d somehow been the one carrying our child, I would’ve let you know.”

  “Are you sure? I met a woman in my pre-natal class whose husband was back from a tour of Afghanistan. She mentioned how relieved she was that he was out of harm’s way and how she’d been so scared to give him any kind of news that might upset him while he was over there. Afraid he’d lose his focus and maybe not spot an explosive device or some other danger.”

  “I can appreciate that.” He couldn’t deny that she was making sense. But only to a certain point.

  Dropping her eyes to the floor, she whispered, “I didn’t want to be responsible if anything happened to you. But then I never heard from you anyway…”

  “Still, you shouldn’t have let six or seven years go by.”

  “We can’t change the past.”

  “I know,” he agreed. “Look, let’s stop talking about the past right now. I need to figure out where we’re going from here. I have a son, and I want to get to know him better.”

  “I think getting to know Matt is reasonable,” she said, sounding tentative.

  When Shane asked whether Matt knew that he was his father, Kendra shook her head from side to side.

  “So where does he think his father has been all these years?” he asked.

>   “I’ve been telling him his dad lives far away and can’t come home because of his job.”

  “That sounds kind of lame, doesn’t it?”

  “Well, he’s only six years old. He still accepts most of what I tell him.”

  “Jeez, he probably thinks his dad is a spy or something really exciting. I mean, an army officer could certainly make a phone call or occasionally come home on leave.” He let out a sigh. “I think I’m going to look like a villain to Matt when he finds out the truth.”

  “Shane, I promise I won’t paint you as a villain.”

  “Thanks, I guess,” he said. He knew his voice smacked of sarcasm, but he didn’t care. How could anyone possibly think of him as a villain in this crazy story?

  “Let me think about the best way to tell him you’re his dad,” Kendra said.

  He snorted. “Anything’s got to be better than the way I found out I was his father.” Anger churned inside him again, and he stared hard at Kendra. “I felt like a fool when my mother was the one who had to tell me.”

  She responded with a frozen stare.

  What’s she doing? Counting to ten in her head before she says anything?

  Shane had no idea why Kendra would need to calm herself down before continuing with their conversation. Heck, he had a lot more to be mad about than she did. He wasn’t the one who’d kept a flesh and blood, living, breathing kid a secret for six long years. But she sure looked like she was measuring her words before she spoke.

  “Do you agree it’s best for all three of us to spend some time together until Matt gets used to the fact that you’re his father?” Kendra finally asked, in a tone that seemed a bit too light and friendly to him.

  “What kind of spending time together are you talking about?”

  “I’m thinking off the top of my head. Maybe it would be better for me to be around when you’re with Matt until he gets to know you a little. You know, before the two of you spend any time together alone.”

  “Yeah, I guess that sounds reasonable.” At first, he thought she might be suggesting they all move in together. Instant happy family. Might be too much, too soon. Except for the part when they turned off the lights at bedtime, he thought, looking at Kendra and taking in her slender curves. That was the part he could adapt to without any problem at all.

  “Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?” she asked. “Maybe you can stop over?”

  “Wait a minute. Don’t tell me you’re going to announce to Matt that I’m his dad in front of your whole family while your father’s carving the Thanksgiving turkey.”

  Kendra gave him a stare that might as well have said she couldn’t believe her ears. “I hope you’re joking. Of course, I’d never do anything like that.”

  “Well, I didn’t think so, but you never know…”

  Seemed to him that she was doing that mental counting-to-ten thing again. Okay, maybe he’d given her a thinly veiled dig, but he didn’t think he was out of line.

  If she kept our child a secret from me, who knows what she might do?

  “My family is coming here for Thanksgiving dinner, but they won’t arrive until around two o’clock,” Kendra said, using such a neutral tone that he was ready to bet she was concentrating on not letting any feelings show. “I thought you might be able to come by in the morning. You wouldn’t have to stay long.”

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to intrude on a family get-together.”

  She shot him a surprised look. “I mean, you can stay as long as you want. I thought you wouldn’t have a lot of time because you might have holiday dinner plans with your mother.”

  “Right. I see where you’re coming from.” He had to stop analyzing every single sentence that came out of her mouth. “Anyway, my mother already made plans to visit her sister in Santa Barbara for Thanksgiving before I accepted the job here with QJV.”

  “Then you definitely should join us for Thanksgiving.”

  Shane grinned and said, “So yeah, I’ll come over Thanksgiving morning. I have plenty of lost time to make up for.”

  “And I promise I’ll tell Matt you’re his father before then.”

  “If the story involves me being held hostage the past six years or wandering around lost in a remote jungle, will you give me a heads up before I arrive?” Rising from his chair to leave, he took in Kendra’s surprised expression and winked at her. “Kidding, my darling. Just kidding.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Kendra barely had time to think about how to break the news to Matt before he opened the door to the discussion himself. On the way home from Pop’s house later that afternoon, Matt enthusiastically told his mother about all the model train layouts he and his grandfather had seen at the train show earlier.

  “And I had a hot dog for lunch,” Matt said excitedly from the back seat of the car. In a more hesitant voice, he continued, “And Mom, I’m sorry I got a little mustard on my new shoes.”

  “The ones we bought yesterday?” Kendra asked, keeping her eyes on the road even though she wanted to turn around and check out Matt’s shoes.

  “Yeah. I’m sorry, Mom. I hope it’ll come off. The mark’s not too big.”

  She started to say something about being careful with belongings before realizing a little mustard on a new pair of shoes wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. There were much bigger things to worry about now. Like incorporating a formerly phantom dad into the family.

  “Don’t worry about it, honey. I can probably get the mustard off with that stain remover stick I have at home.”

  She actually heard Matt breathing the proverbial sigh of relief from the back seat. He followed that tentatively with, “Mom?”

  “What is it, Matt?”

  “You know that man you were talking to at the mall after we got my shoes?”

  Was her throat truly constricting? Or had an enormous lump materialized out of nowhere, making it hard for her to even swallow? Kendra struggled to keep her voice even. “What about him, honey?”

  “Oh, I was thinking it would be great if he was my dad.”

  Good thing she was already stopped for a red light. Otherwise, she wasn’t sure how well she would have concentrated on her driving. “What made you think that, Matt?” Wild thoughts flew through her head. What if Pop had inadvertently said something about Shane to Matt while they were at the train show?

  “I liked him. He was nice.”

  A light tap of the horn from the car in back of her made Kendra realize the traffic light had changed to green. “Yes, he’s very nice,” she agreed as she carefully continued through the intersection.

  A few minutes later, she pulled into her driveway. Bounding from the car onto the front porch, Matt exuded energy. Once inside, Kendra asked to see his soiled shoes and assured him the mustard could be easily wiped off. Looking relieved, he ran toward his bedroom.

  “Hold on, Matt. I want to talk to you for a minute.”

  Matt turned around with a questioning expression on his face and asked, “What about, Mom? You said my shoes aren’t wrecked after all.”

  “Your shoes are fine, honey. I wanted to talk to you about the man at the mall.”

  Matt stood staring, not saying a word. Her heart thumped against her chest. Tell him. She was sure he wanted to hear it.

  “He is your dad, Matt,” she finally whispered.

  Matt’s eyes widened. She stood still, not daring to take a breath. Second-guessing herself, she instantly regretted springing such life-changing information on her young son with so little preparation. But Matt’s face lit up as what his mother said sunk in.

  “He’s my dad?” Matt exclaimed. “For real? It’s not a joke?”

  “No, it’s not a joke, honey. He definitely is your dad. And he wants to spend time with you. To be a real dad.”

  “My real dad.” Matt’s smile got even bigger. Then his eyes shifted, and she could tell he was processing what it all meant. “Is he gonna live here with us now?”

  “No, honey, not ri
ght now. He has a place of his own,” she said, but then realized she didn’t have the slightest idea where Shane actually lived.

  “Where was he, Mom?”

  “He was at the mall. Remember, he was at the front of the store after we bought your shoes?”

  “No, I mean, where was he before? When I was a baby?” Matt’s big eyes looked questioningly at his mother.

  Kendra took a deep breath. No stories about being held hostage or lost in the jungle. Stick to the facts, and leave it at that for now.

  “He was away at his job, honey. In the army. He wanted to be here, but he couldn’t be.” She pulled Matt close and hugged him. “But he’s here now. You have a real daddy after all.”

  Matt pulled away and smiled again. “I knew he’d come. I kept wishing and wishing. I knew someday my dad would come.”

  Kendra smiled and rubbed Matt’s head. If wishes really did come true, she didn’t even know what she’d wish for. Of course, it was a good thing for Matt to know his father. But what if she had to share custody with Shane?

  The prospect of having to send her son off to spend a holiday weekend with his father filled her with dread. Family gatherings wouldn’t be the same without him. And what if Matt decided he preferred living with his dad when he became a teen-ager?

  Another look at Matt’s happy face made guilt wash over her for resisting Shane coming into their lives. She wished for her son to be happy.

  But could she do whatever it took to make that happen?

  * * *

  Thanksgiving dawned with slightly cloudy skies and early morning temperatures in the low fifties. Despite it being a holiday, Kendra was up as early as on a work day.

  With Pop, Alicia and her family, plus Alicia’s in-laws coming for dinner, there was plenty to do to prepare a big holiday meal. Alicia promised to bring green beans topped with almonds. Her husband Ryan was supposed to pick up a pumpkin-flavored cheesecake after work yesterday. Ryan’s mom planned to prepare her special honey-glazed carrots. And Pop could always be counted on to show up on holidays with a cold six-pack tucked under his arm.