A Son For Christmas (West Coast Christmas Secrets Book 1) Read online

  Hold on. Something was missing. Strange family where the mom was sleeping in one room and the dad in another. Maybe he could do something about that—no, he needed to keep the purpose of this situation front and center. Getting to know Matt was top priority.

  He quickly wiped away mental images of her velvety skin underneath the burgundy sweater and dark jeans she was wearing. “Whatever you’re cooking smells great. Need any help in the kitchen?”

  She shook her head. “Why don’t you change out of your work clothes? I should have everything ready by then.” Her glance lingered on his business suit. “What am I thinking? The rest of your clothes are in your apartment with some kind of damage from the fire.”

  Holding up a shopping bag, he smiled and said, “I made a quick stop to do some shopping on the way home. I’m stocked up with jeans, a couple of shirts, underwear, socks…everything I’ll need to get me through a few days. Oh, yeah, and a few neckties.”

  Kendra laughed.

  He liked the way her eyes lit up when she was happy. Could he fit into the little family that she’d worked so hard to nurture?

  “You did a beautiful job with the Christmas decorations in the living room,” he said.

  “I had help. Matt got a real kick out of placing things on the table and shelves. I think it made him feel grown-up.” She sighed. “But that will happen soon enough.”

  She wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know. But he had to keep things laidback, so he smiled and nodded.

  Shane watched as she headed into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. The woman did have a nice backside. He mentally congratulated himself on not doing too badly when he picked her out of the crowd at that fateful St. Patrick’s Day party.

  Before his thoughts wandered back to those long-ago intimate encounters, he went upstairs to change into jeans, stopping at Matt’s bedroom to say hello. He found his son playing with a toy pirate ship on his bedroom floor.

  “Hey, Matt,” he said. “What’d you do today? Spend a lot of time playing with toys?”

  Matt’s face lit up when he saw his father. “Hi, Dad. Yeah, and I helped Mom decorate for Christmas.” He concentrated very hard when he pronounced the word ‘decorate’ and got it exactly right. Matt’s look of concentration reverted back to a huge smile and he continued, “Mom said maybe you can help us decorate our Christmas tree…”

  “You bet,” Shane said enthusiastically. But inside he was thinking that Christmas holidays were another thing he’d missed with his son until now. Baby’s first Christmas, then the fun of watching him run downstairs as a toddler and seeing the look in his eyes when he first saw all the presents under the tree. He frowned as he realized he didn’t even know whether his son still believed in Santa Claus.

  “What’s the matter, Dad?”

  “Ahoy, me hearty,” he growled, trying to change the mood and intentionally exaggerating his scowl, but making it playful instead of threatening. “Arrr! Let’s look for buried treasure.”

  “Aye, aye,” Matt replied, giggling.

  Shane had to smile. ‘Aye, aye’ was probably the only pirate lingo Matt knew. The kid was beyond cute.

  After a few minutes playing with Matt and the figures on the pirate ship, he headed into the guest bedroom to change into jeans. He shut the door behind him and searched inside the package with his new clothing purchases for jeans and a t-shirt. When he’d found what he wanted, he undressed and glanced around the room.

  He hadn’t really gotten to take much note of his surroundings earlier that morning and only now noticed the small desk where Kendra’s laptop sat. After being up most of the night after the apartment fire, he’d barely been able to see straight when he’d finally settled in for a few hours of sleep right before sunrise.

  Shane spotted a large photo collage hanging above the desk and moved closer to examine the pictures. “How’d I miss this before?” he mumbled. He leaned in and noticed all the pictures were of Matt. A few of the photos also included Kendra or Pop.

  His heart clutched when he saw his son as an infant in Kendra’s arms. Looking closer, he saw she was wearing a hospital gown. That picture was probably taken on the day his son had been born. What had he been doing that day? He’d become a father and didn’t even know it. He could have been leading a dangerous mission or maybe even on a short leave. Hadn’t even realized it was one of the biggest days of his life.

  Shane scrutinized the rest of the photos and noted Matt as a toddler sitting on a riding toy in front of a Christmas tree, Matt blowing out three candles on a birthday cake, Matt and Pop with fishing rods, Matt in a stroller and waving a teddy bear—it was like Matt’s life was flashing before him.

  But one thing was missing.

  A father.

  He slumped onto the pull-out sofa, nearly crushing his bag of clothing in the process. Filled with a mixture of anger and sadness, he couldn’t even look at the rest of the photos in the collage. Happy pictures with smiling faces.

  But he was nowhere to be found.

  Why had Kendra kept this secret? He still couldn’t understand it. Preoccupation with a sick and dying mother delayed her figuring out she was pregnant. All right, he’d give her a pass on a time delay of a few months.

  Her initial feeling of rejection when he hadn’t called her at all after he’d completed basic training. Or Officer Candidate School. And then never hearing a word from him in almost seven years. Okay, he couldn’t deny that would hurt.

  And he appreciated that she’d been concerned about not upsetting him while he was on combat duty. But for over seven years?

  Why hadn’t she fought for what she wanted? When he’d confronted her almost a week ago about Matt being his son, she admitted she’d liked the sex they’d shared back when they first met. Said the sex was even better because of the way she felt about him. So, if she’d liked him that much, why hadn’t she tried to hold onto him?

  No matter how he tried to put this puzzle together, it didn’t make sense. Had she been using him for sex? Shane couldn’t help smiling. That wasn’t a problem many men spent time worrying about. Maybe she was one of those women who wanted a baby but didn’t want the man to go along with it? No, that was crazy. Why would she purposely set out to be a single mother when she was barely out of college, without a job offer or health insurance?

  And if it was mostly about hurt feelings resulting from him not calling because he might have gotten into a relationship with someone else—well, he was back to the idea of fighting for what you wanted. He sure wouldn’t have given up so easily if he’d been in her position. At least he didn’t think so.

  When he heard her call from downstairs that the hot turkey sandwiches were ready, Shane changed into his new jeans. Time to forget all this behavior analysis for tonight. The goal was to spend as much quality time as possible with Matt. So being anything but pleasant to Kendra would be a big mistake. He wasn’t going to do anything that might make her try to stand between him and his son.

  “Now we’re talking,” Shane said, adding a celebratory fist pump as he sat down to dinner a few minutes later with Kendra and Matt. “It’s officially the weekend, and I’m off until Monday.”

  Matt laughed at his father’s physical expression of enthusiasm. “How do you do that, Dad? Show me.”

  As he showed Matt how to make a fist and then quickly pull it close to his body, he looked over at Kendra, who smiled as she took in the father-son horseplay. It felt so right with the three of them together. He wanted the feeling to last. “Any plans for the weekend?”

  “Matt and his cousin Brandon are going to help Pop put the finishing touches on the train layout he sets up for Christmas every year. That’ll be on Sunday afternoon.”

  “You won’t believe Pop’s trains, Dad,” Matt piped up.

  She nodded and said, “I scheduled this with Pop and Aunt Alicia weeks ago, and the boys are really looking forward to it. But tomorrow is wide open.”

  “Have you ever been to that n
atural history museum?” A plan took shape in his head. “It’s supposed to be a fun place for kids. A rainforest. An aquarium. Lots of penguins. A dinosaur skeleton too.”

  “A real dinosaur?” Matt already acted excited.

  “The dinosaur was real a long time ago,” Shane explained. “All they have now are the bones. But wait until you see how big it is.”

  “Can we go, Mom?” Matt turned to her with an expectant look in his eyes.

  Looking first at Matt’s eager expression and then at Shane, she smiled. “Okay, it sounds like fun,” she agreed.

  By the time they’d finished dinner, Matt was so excited about the next day’s trip to the museum that it seemed it would take him hours to be ready for bed. But a few minutes of playing with race cars followed by his bath left him yawning and ready to fall asleep.

  After Shane said good-night to his son, he waited in the living room while Kendra tucked Matt in. He settled on the couch, fighting to stay awake, but losing the battle.

  The clatter of footsteps on the stairs jarred him awake. He sat up with a jerk.

  Kendra stepped into the living room. “I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she said.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said, even as fatigue pulled at him. “This is your house, after all.”

  “You’re more than welcome. I know Matt is so happy you’re here.”

  And what about you? He had a hard time figuring out whether she truly liked having him around, or if she were grudgingly tolerating him for the sake of her son getting to know his father.

  After making plans to leave for the museum around nine the next morning so they’d have a better chance of avoiding a long line at the entrance, he made his own apology. “I hope you don’t mind if I go to bed early. Not trying to be a buzz kill on a Friday night, but all that craziness with the fire last night took something out of me. I could use a good night’s sleep.”

  Even though Kendra assured him she didn’t mind if he went right to bed, he caught a flash of disappointment crossing her face.

  Climbing the stairs to the second floor, he stopped and turned. “What’s the best time for me to take a shower in the morning?” He couldn’t control a touch of mischief as he continued, “I don’t want to risk you getting another overdose of southern exposure.”

  He might have been teasing, but the look in her eyes made him think that some of his southern exposure might be exactly what she wanted.

  * * *

  Kendra awoke the next morning to the sound of water running in the shower. She wasn’t going anywhere near that bathroom until Shane was safely back in the spare bedroom. Pulling her robe around her, she hurried downstairs to freshen up in the powder room and then prepare breakfast. By nine o’clock, they were all dressed, well-fed, and ready to depart for the museum.

  The decision to get an early start was a good one, and they passed through the entrance a few minutes after arriving at the museum. Once inside, Matt made a beeline for the dinosaur exhibit. “It’s huge,” he exclaimed.

  “That’s the Tyrannosaurus Rex,” Shane said. “King of the dinosaurs. Look at him—he must be at least forty feet long.”

  “Tyra, Tyra—what’s he called, Dad?” Matt asked, struggling with all the syllables.

  “You can call him T-Rex for short,” Shane said, affectionately rubbing Matt’s head.

  After Matt had his fill of the dinosaur exhibit, the trio moved on to the aquarium. Matt was entranced by the myriad of fish varieties and pressed his face against one pane of aquarium glass after another.

  It was impossible not to ooh and aah when they reached the coral reef exhibit, filled with colorful reef fish mixed in with stingrays and reef sharks. Watching the fish make their way in and out of the live coral, Shane turned to Kendra. “You know what this reminds me of?”

  “No, what?”

  “We used to talk about going to Hawaii someday. Seeing all these tropical fish and the coral made me think about that.”

  So, he did remember more about their previous relationship than the physical part. She allowed her thoughts to drift back to when they’d fantasized about lying on a black sand beach in Hawaii, snorkeling among the beautiful fish in the warm blue water, and maybe even getting the chance to surf the north shore of Oahu. Yeah, and there probably would have been some lovemaking thrown in somewhere too.

  Chastising herself for allowing her thoughts to stray to lovemaking under a Hawaiian moon, Kendra mentally forced herself back into the kid-friendly environment of the aquarium. “I remember that,” she said with a smile. “Have you ever gotten to Hawaii?”

  “Not yet. How about you?”

  “Are you kidding?” She grinned at him. “That kind of vacation is a little tough for a single mom with a mortgage to pay. I run public relations, not the entire company, at QJV. My paycheck couldn’t handle something like that.”

  A pained expression crossed his face. “We need to have a serious talk about money,” he said. “I know I need to pony up for my share of Matt’s expenses. It’s not fair for you to continue to carry that burden alone.”

  “I don’t consider it a burden,” she said, lowering her voice.

  “No, of course, Matt’s not a burden,” he said, matching her soft tone. “I just meant I want to help out.”

  “Let’s talk about it later, okay?”

  “Right, we’re making sure Matt has fun today. I guess we’ll have time to talk when he’s at your father’s tomorrow.”

  She nodded and then turned to Matt, who was absorbed in watching a group of stingrays glide past. After making their way through the remaining aquarium exhibits and checking out the penguins, the three stopped at the busy on-site restaurant for a quick lunch.

  Spreading out their tacos, sandwiches, and drinks on the table they managed to snag, Kendra and Shane ate at a leisurely pace while Matt polished off two tacos in quick succession. Shane chuckled at Matt’s hearty appetite and then asked, “So, what’s your favorite animal, Matt?”

  “A dog,” Matt responded without hesitation.

  “A dog?” Shane laughed again. “I meant an animal you saw here at the museum, but I guess you’re saying a dog is your favorite of all animals.”

  “Pop has a dog named Duke,” Matt said. “He’s really nice, and he comes right over to me when I call his name.” He looked at his mother for confirmation. “Right, Mom?”

  Kendra nodded her head. “Yes, Duke is a very nice dog.” She looked at Shane. “Matt would like a dog of his own. But I get home from work late some days, and it wouldn’t be fair to keep a dog waiting so long to have his dinner and go out in the yard.”

  “Yeah, and Mom’s ‘lergic to cats so we can’t have one of those,” Matt piped up.

  She smiled at him. “That’s right, honey. I’m allergic to cats,” she said, saying Matt’s mispronounced word the correct way.

  “A dog is my favorite animal too.” Shane took a sip of his soda. “I had a dog named Corky when I was a kid. Frisky little terrier mix.”

  She watched him stare off into the distance, lost in thought. What was he was thinking about? His childhood pet? Maybe the fact that Matt was missing out on the relationship between a boy and his dog?

  She shrugged her shoulders and mentally accepted that she could only do so many things as a single mom. Even though Matt didn’t have his own pet, he did spend time with Pop’s dog.

  Was that a poor substitute for having his own dog? Sadly, that wasn’t the biggest thing Matt had missed out on during his young life.

  * * *

  By the time they arrived home from the museum late in the day, Shane, Kendra, and Matt were all feeling worn out. They’d done more than their share of walking throughout the various exhibits at the museum, and the guys settled in the living room to play with Matt’s souvenirs while Kendra put together a simple dinner in the kitchen.

  The day had been filled with learning, laughter, and a growing sense of love. She saw the loving relationship developing between her son and hi
s father. A glance into her living room where she saw them looking at a book about dinosaurs let her know that Matt and Shane were bonding. At the same time, her feelings for Shane were growing stronger.

  This can’t be love.

  True love took time to develop. She’d only known Shane for about two months back in college. Then she hadn’t seen him for over six years. Now, they’d been back in contact for little more than a week.

  So, what was she feeling? Physical attraction? No denying it. That sensation was real. He was even more appealing now than he’d been when she’d first met him.

  But there was more. She’d spent a good part of the past six or seven years resenting him for leaving town without a backward glance. She couldn’t go so far as to call the emotions she’d experienced anything close to hatred. Maybe she’d hated the way he quickly discarded her. But deep down, she’d always cared for him. Probably wanted him back too, at least back in the early days.

  Yet if she were honest with herself, she had to ask why she hadn’t pursued him if she’d really wanted him back. After all, they were having a child together. That would have been a pretty strong draw to get them back together.

  And then the realization jolted her as surely as if she’d been struck by lightning in her kitchen. Pride had kept her from pursuing Shane. She didn’t want him back if it were only because she was playing the trump card of having his baby. She didn’t want him unless he was truly in love with her, with or without a baby on the way. And it was the same now.

  Things were pleasant and cordial between them, sure. But what was Shane really after? He was friendly, but he definitely hadn’t given any indication that he wanted to resume the intensity of their former relationship.

  Maybe that old relationship could never come back. Everything was different now. She had a son—correct that—they had a son. He understandably wanted to know his son and be a part of his life. And he couldn’t do that without being involved with her. Involved in some way, but not necessarily as lovers.