A Son For Christmas (West Coast Christmas Secrets Book 1) Read online

  Putting the finishing touches on the leftover turkey chunks she’d mixed with salsa and placed on top of toasted French bread slices spread with guacamole, she felt as confused as when meeting Shane at Antonio’s restaurant a week earlier. Was he interested in resuming the physical part of their long-ago relationship?

  And if he was, did she want that too?

  She couldn’t deny that he could make her feel good. Extremely good, in fact. The sensation of excitement she suddenly felt reminded her of long-ago encounters where he had introduced her to feelings she hadn’t known existed. And she’d never experienced anything quite the same since then.

  One thing at a time. She and Shane needed to make sure Matt’s needs were taken care of before worrying about what was going to happen between the two of them.

  But when she stepped into the living room to announce that dinner was ready, the first thing she saw was Shane’s strong back and shoulders, his hard muscles evident even through the knit shirt he wore. The sight was enough to give her second thoughts about not thinking too much about where their relationship was going. That pleasant sensation was back again, and the thought crossed her mind that she might like the relationship to go right upstairs to her bedroom.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Kendra awoke the next morning, checked the time, and then rolled over in bed. The other side of her bed was empty. A fluffed-up pillow atop a perfectly flat and undisturbed blanket on the opposite side confirmed that she had been alone all night.

  Despite her physical yearnings, she knew it was just as well that Shane had retired to the spare bedroom and she to her own bed not long after Matt had fallen asleep the night before. After a few minutes of watching one of the many football offerings on TV for the Thanksgiving weekend, Shane had begun yawning and then apologized for his exhaustion, again blaming his lack of sleep the night of the apartment fire.

  Choosing brief episodes of pleasure over being sensible had altered her life when she’d been about to graduate from college. Now, as a mature, working mother, she should know enough to show good sense and not let those tingly feelings that he brought out in her guide her decisions. Sensible Kendra. That’s who she needed to be right now. Showing responsibility was the best thing she could do.

  And Shane had certainly been a cheerleader for acting responsibly the night before. He’d announced he was having trouble staying awake and retreated to his guest room before ten o’clock. She hadn’t had any choice other than to wish him a good night’s sleep. Then she half-pretended to watch the final quarter of the football game before turning in herself. He couldn’t be expecting—what?—she’d undress in front of him right in her living room to try to lure him into her bed.

  If he’s not interested, he’s not interested.

  Taking a quick shower before getting dressed, she resigned herself to the thought that he might not be attracted to her the way he’d been when she’d been budding into a young woman. Maybe he didn’t want a woman who’d been through a pregnancy and childbirth.

  She assessed herself in the mirror after stepping out of the shower. It was his loss if he was no longer interested in her. She was about five pounds heavier than when she was in college, but she knew the couple of extra pounds didn’t look bad on her. They actually looked pretty good. Throwing back her shoulders and then turning sideways to check her reflection, she couldn’t help feeling good about her slightly fuller breasts, a positive result of giving birth to Matt.

  And then there was Matt himself. No matter how things worked out with Shane, she would never regret that most positive result of their former relationship. Her young son was her everything, and she’d always be grateful to Shane for giving him to her, even if the gift had been unintentional.

  When the three of them ate breakfast a little later, Matt couldn’t stop talking about their visit to the museum. He was still excited about the dinosaur and the colorful fish. “Can we go back again?” He looked from his mother to his father with a hopeful look.

  “Sure, we will,” Shane said, taking the lead. “But it will probably be after the holidays. I’m sure your mom will be super busy between now and Christmas.”

  “I can’t wait for Christmas,” Matt exclaimed. He bit into a muffin and then grinned as crumbs found their way from his mouth to the floor. “If Duke was here, he’d clean those crumbs right up, wouldn’t he, Mom?”

  “Duke doesn’t let any food that hits the floor go unnoticed, that’s for sure,” Kendra agreed. Looking at the clock above the stove, she reminded Matt to finish his breakfast, so they could get over to Pop’s to work on the model train layout. “You don’t want to keep Pop and your cousin Brandon waiting. Or Duke.”

  Matt quickly finished his breakfast and, after a reminder from his mother, ran upstairs to brush his teeth. Shane helped to clear the kitchen table and then offered to come along when Kendra drove to her father’s house.

  “You may as well join us and say hello to my dad,” she agreed. “I haven’t even had time to speak to him since Thanksgiving, so he doesn’t know you’ve been staying here. Matt’s sure to bring it up, and I’d rather tell him myself.”

  “I met your father when I left here on Thanksgiving morning,” he said. “I like him.”

  “He can come across as a little gruff, but he truly has a heart of gold.”

  “I could tell he cares about you.”

  “He doesn’t want anything bad to happen to me.” She looked at him and then quickly looked away. “My dad’s been with me through some challenging times. He hasn’t always agreed with all of my decisions. But he gives me his support.”

  “You’re definitely lucky to have him in your life.”

  She met his gaze again. “I probably couldn’t have gotten through everything without his help.”

  “You’re making me feel like a selfish loser.”

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  “Look, I said it yesterday and I meant it…I’m going to help out from now on. You don’t have to do all of this alone.”

  “I haven’t been doing it alone,” she said, sticking out her chin in a mixture of pride and defiance. “My father and sister have been with me every step of the way. I have a great family and they stand by me, no matter what. I’ve been doing fine.”

  Maybe that wasn’t true all the time, if she were being entirely truthful. She’d certainly dealt with a few rough patches over the past few years. But Shane wasn’t going to play the role of the knight in shining armor, riding in on his white horse to rescue the helpless damsel in distress.

  She’d been doing fine until he popped back in the picture. Healthy son, nice home, good job—what did Shane think he would bring to the table that she hadn’t already been able to provide?

  Standing next to him at the kitchen counter, taking in his masculine scent and being inches away from those powerful arms that used to hold her tightly…she had to force herself not to think about what Shane could offer.

  A void existed in her life. It had nothing to do with having enough money for the mortgage or Matt’s clothes. It was emotional. It was physical.

  And she knew Shane was the only one she wanted to fill that void. In more ways than one.

  * * *

  When they arrived at Pop’s house later that morning, Kendra’s sister Alicia was inside with her son Brandon. Both Pop and Alicia looked surprised to see Shane walk in behind Matt and Kendra, but they greeted him warmly. The men exchanged handshakes, and Shane and Alicia briefly hugged after Kendra introduced them.

  “Wanna see where Pop sets up his trains, Dad?” Matt grabbed his father’s hand, pulling him toward the enclosed porch, and Brandon enthusiastically followed them.

  “I’ll be right back,” Shane called out with a laugh as he was dragged along to view the initial stage of Pop’s Christmas village.

  Turning to face her father and sister, Kendra blurted out, “Just so you know, Shane is staying with us temporarily.”

  “When did this take place?” Alicia aske
d, wrinkling her brow.

  “Friday morning. He was staying at that apartment building downtown that had the big fire on Thanksgiving night.” Kendra crossed her arms across her chest to indicate she wasn’t accepting any challenges to what she was saying. “You may have seen it on the news.”

  “Well, all righty then,” Alicia responded in a sing-song voice.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kendra shot back.

  “Nothing,” Alicia said, smirking. “If it works for you, it’s fine with me.”

  Kendra looked at her father, but his face was expressionless. He looked at her for a moment. Was he deciding whether to pursue a discussion about her living arrangements?

  Pop finally said, “So what time are you gals picking up your sons this afternoon?”

  They had agreed on four-thirty when Shane returned from the enclosed porch. “Quite a train platform you have out there, sir,” he said.

  “Thanks,” Pop replied. “It’ll be even more impressive a few hours from now. And I thought I told you that it’s okay to call me Pop. Everybody else around here does.”

  “Sure thing, Pop. I’d like to take a look at your train layout again when we pick up Matt later.” Taking Kendra by the arm and moving toward the front door, Shane smiled and said, “Nice to meet you, Alicia.”

  Kendra smiled and waved good-bye to her father and sister as she went out the door with Shane. When they were settled in his car, he turned to her. “Alone at last. I believe we have some talking to do.” She silently nodded, and he continued, “How about if we go somewhere other than back to your house? Neutral territory instead.”

  “It’s not a prize fight.”

  “I know.” He backed the car out of the driveway. “The weather’s not bad today. We could walk around the park. Sit on a bench for a while if we need to focus on our discussion.”

  “That sounds good. I guess I wouldn’t mind enjoying the scenery.”

  Sitting back in her seat as Shane headed north, she reluctantly acknowledged that the natural scenery of plants and birds in the park would probably be better suited for their discussion than the other type of scenery she’d been thinking about more and more. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d seen when she’d interrupted Shane’s shower the other morning.

  She’d never been so fixated on the physical act of lovemaking. Not even when she’d been a relatively carefree college girl, with Shane as her brand-new handsome boyfriend. She remembered how she’d looked forward to their intimate get-togethers. And enjoyed them. But this was different.

  Because he tantalized her with his nearness. Physically near but not making a move for her. Standing stark naked in front of her a few days ago and laughing about it, as though he knew he had something she wanted and needed, but he wasn’t going to share it with her. And his behavior made her want him more and more.

  Yes, she thought it was a good thing that Shane suggested they go to the park for their discussion rather than returning to her house. Better for them to be out in the open with other people around. That way there’d be no danger of her giving in to temptation and letting him reach under her sweater and unhook her bra…she had to stop herself from imagining what might happen next. Long ago memories triggered a warm feeling in her belly. And a tingly rush threatened to turn the warmth into fire with Shane’s touch.

  As they pulled into a parking area, she realized she had pretty much been in a personal reverie for the best part of the drive from Pop’s house. When she glanced over at Shane, he was focused on parking the car. No strange looks coming her way. So, she felt sure she must have somehow responded appropriately to whatever chitchat he’d made as they drove.

  She unfastened her seat belt. Did she actually need to fasten a mental seat belt too? The possibility of Shane offering to help pay for Matt’s support but then requesting equal physical custody could send her brain into a hundred mile per hour overdrive. What if he proposed some kind of arrangement that might take her son away during Christmas holidays or summer vacations? She’d have to deal with it, but it would be so different, so strange to change their traditions.

  Vowing to keep her relationship with her son top priority, Kendra stepped out of the car and took a deep breath of the cool air before joining Shane on the nature trail.

  * * *

  Shane knew a lot was riding on his meeting with Kendra. Even though they were both dressed in jeans and light jackets, this was as high-stakes as a business meeting where the participants wore expensive suits and discussed a corporate takeover.

  The most important thing was ensuring his new relationship with his son could continue to grow. His goal was to have Kendra agree to let him spend a significant amount of time with Matt going forward. He knew his mother was eager to get to know her grandson better too, and he wanted to make sure she would be able to spend time with Matt as well.

  “You’re okay with taking a little walk, aren’t you?” He noted with relief that she wasn’t wearing high-heeled shoes. Not even a pointy toe on those babies. Totally sensible walking shoes. They matched perfectly with her current role as a responsible mom with an important job.

  “I’m more than okay with it. With all the time I spend cooped up indoors on workdays, I usually try to eat lunch in the atrium at work. It’s so bright, and the trees and little waterfall can make a busy place feel tranquil.” She looked at him and laughed. “The atrium at QJV reminds me of a scaled-down version of the rainforest at the museum yesterday.”

  “Speaking of being at the museum yesterday,” he said, seeing the opening he’d been looking for, “we were talking about financial responsibility for Matt. I need to start paying my share…and I figure I owe you a decent amount to make up for all the years you’ve been paying for everything.”

  “Like I said yesterday, paying for Matt is not a burden for me. My father helped me a lot with expenses for the first couple of years until I was able to buy my own house.”

  “Then maybe I owe your father some money for what he put out when Matt was a baby—”

  “He’d never accept it,” Kendra interrupted. “He loves Matt too, and he’d never let him go without any necessities. We do for family…that’s how we are.”

  “Well, Matt’s my family too. Even though I didn’t know about it for a long time.” He shot a meaningful look at her. “But now that I know, I want to be a part of this life—a big part. And I want my mother to develop a close relationship with Matt too. She doesn’t have any other grandchildren, and she’s dying to spend some time with him.”

  “I-I’d have to prepare Matt for that.”

  Shane watched as Kendra’s face darkened and her mouth tensed into a taut line. “Don’t withdraw from me,” he said softly. “For whatever reason, I missed out on knowing I had a son for more than six years. I know we can’t change that. But things have to be different from now on.”

  “What do you mean by ‘different’?” Her voice quivered slightly.

  “I need to take responsibility for Matt too.” He looked her squarely in the eye. “Look, if you want us to split the expenses 50-50, I can handle that. But I don’t want to be an absentee dad any longer. I want to be actively involved with my son. Help make decisions about his upbringing, spend more time with him…”

  “You mean divide Matt’s time up 50-50, too?” They were approaching a bench a few yards ahead, and she said, “Can we sit down?”

  Shane saw her legs visibly shaking. She made it to the bench before they gave out. Watching her crumple onto the seat, he was sure an ocean of bottled-up feelings suddenly broke free from deep within her. Kendra’s tears cascaded with as much intensity as a powerful wave at high tide.

  “What’s this about?” He settled beside her and tried to wipe away her tears with his thumbs. Her shoulders shaking convulsively, she couldn’t speak as she gasped for air. It looked like six years of emotions had finally made their way to the surface.

  He pulled her close, stroking the
back of her head with one hand while using the other hand to simultaneously stroke her back. “Let it out, honey. Let it out.”

  They sat that way for a minute or more. She clung to him as though he was the last life preserver on a sinking ship. Up to now, she’d been acting so strong, like she had everything under control. But her near-hysterical crying told him a different story. Obviously, things between them were far from settled.

  Reaching both hands around to cup her chin, he lifted her head so their eyes met. He stared at her swollen and reddened eyes and got that kick-in-the-gut feeling again. “Did I do this to you?” Her eyes almost had the look of a wounded, frightened animal. “I guess I didn’t know how hard it’s been to raise a kid on your own.”

  Guilt washed over him. A couple of months of fun with a hot college girl, and then he’d been on his way to follow his career dream. Never looked back, not even for a minute. And all that fun had left Kendra with a baby to care for, pretty much on her own.

  Yeah, she was wrong not to contact him. But he finally acknowledged that he wasn’t blameless either. Pulling her face toward his, he murmured, “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” She parted her lips, which he took as a signal that she’d welcome the touch of his mouth on hers.

  Not stopping to think, he instinctively covered her mouth with his and pulled her closer. The crisp yet romantic scent of her perfume filled his nostrils, taking him back to years gone by.

  This is moving too fast.

  The purpose of today’s meeting was to reach some agreements about financial and visiting arrangements for Matt. It wasn’t supposed to be a warm-up for a foray into her bedroom later that night. Okay, he wouldn’t mind making that late-night foray. Not at all. Their sexual compatibility had been great before, and it would likely be as good or even better now.

  Determined not to complicate what he hoped to accomplish regarding his son, he reluctantly released his kiss. “Don’t be afraid of me,” he said. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”

  “I’m not afraid. It takes a lot to scare me.”