A Son For Christmas (West Coast Christmas Secrets Book 1) Read online

  He gave her a hug and then eased away from her, creating a bit of physical space between them on the bench. “We need to figure out how to make this work with Matt. He’s both of ours. We have to do this right, so he knows he’s completely loved by all of his family.”

  “It’s been mostly Matt and me for such a long time, and it’s not easy suddenly having new members of the family. Important new members.” She looked into his eyes, sighed, and blinked away the last of her tears. “A father. And a grandmother.”

  “That should be good news, not something to be scared of. My mother and I love Matt so much already.” He took her hands in his. “I’m not a threat. Neither is my mother. All we want is to love Matt and have him be a part of our family too.”

  “Matt’s never had a grandmother. I think he’d like that.”

  She nodded, and Shane thought he sensed an easing of the tension in her face, her shoulders…her entire body. Relaxing a little himself, thoughts of a big, happy family filled his mind.

  He remembered yesterday’s conversation about her not being able to afford a vacation to Hawaii and suddenly got the idea that maybe he could take Kendra and Matt to Disneyland for a few days next summer. If not then, maybe during Matt’s spring break from school.

  They might even be able to rent a three-bedroom condo. Plenty of room and privacy for everyone. He wouldn’t want Kendra worrying about him forcing himself on her. Or running into him when he wasn’t completely covered up, like in the bathroom the other morning.

  As quickly as the idea came into his head, he immediately dismissed it. She was single now, but he didn’t think that situation would last forever. She’d find her Mr. Right and eventually they’d be married. Probably have another baby or two of their own. No matter how liberal that Mr. Right might be, he sure wasn’t going to want Shane tagging along on their vacations.

  Shane could picture that. After a day of theme park fun, they’d all retire to their condo. Matt asleep in his room while Kendra and her new husband made loud, crazy love in their room. And his own room would be right in the middle, where he’d be holding a giant stuffed animal over his head to drown out the screams of ecstasy coming through the wall. He almost laughed out loud at the thought of it.

  But his silly fantasy actually made him realize why she might be resisting his efforts to get close to Matt. He knew now what his idealized vision of a big family vacation was: an ideal that would never be reality. She wouldn’t want to spend her vacation with him. They really would be living separate lives, joined only by their relationship with their son. It was like they were divorced and figuring out how to share custody of their child.

  Except they’d never actually been married.

  “I have to ask,” he said cautiously. “I mean, it’s been over seven years since we were together. It’s surprising a beautiful woman like you is still single. I don’t know how to say it politely, but…have you had a lot of boyfriends over the years?”

  Rolling her eyes, she said, “Hardly. First, I was pregnant when I graduated from college. Then I had a baby, a full-time job, and my old bedroom at my father’s house. That wasn’t exactly conducive to an active love life.”

  “And when Matt got a little bigger and you moved into your own place…” he prompted.

  “Yeah, there was one guy. A consultant at work.” She looked off into the sky as if embarrassed to continue. “He was here from Chicago on a three-month assignment to upgrade some of our computer systems. Only flew back home every third weekend.”

  Shane didn’t interrupt, and he let her continue. She didn’t make eye contact with him but kept looking off into the distance.

  “We got involved,” she said. “He didn’t like kids, though. And I finally figured out he was using me for…companionship…while he was away from home. He already had a girlfriend back in Chicago. They got married not long after his consulting assignment ended here.”

  Turning to Shane, she said, “So that’s it. Guess I don’t have the greatest track record with men.” She shrugged her shoulders and let out a hard laugh. “At least I didn’t get pregnant that time. If nothing else, I learned how to be smarter that way.”

  “That guy was a jerk.” He scowled. “He’s not even worth mentioning. Didn’t know the value of what he had with you.”

  As quickly as he said it, Shane got another one of those unpleasant feelings in his gut. He had a lot of nerve criticizing some guy for not knowing the value of Kendra. He’d been the one to let her go several years before that. He’d made a mistake by not keeping in touch with her and trying to somehow maintain their relationship. So, who was the bigger jerk?

  “I’ve made a few bad decisions…” Kendra rolled her eyes.

  “Look,” he said, squeezing her hands. “We will make this work. I guarantee it. I’m going to start helping to pay for Matt’s expenses, I’m going to reimburse you for some of his previous expenses, and we’ll work out how to manage visits, holidays, everything. Nobody’s going to get hurt. I promise.”

  Before she could respond, a tiny hummingbird with a glowing crimson throat and crown suddenly flit past them, nearly clipping her on the nose. Looking startled at first, she then burst out in laughter. “What’s a hummingbird doing around here this late in the year anyway?”

  “That’s an Anna’s hummingbird,” he said, matter-of-factly. “It’s the only hummingbird species in North America that spends the winter in northern areas. That’s why it’s still in San Francisco for Thanksgiving weekend.”

  “Now how’d you know something like that?”

  “I saw it on a sign at the museum yesterday.”

  “You’ve got an answer for everything, don’t you, Shane McCarthy?” she laughed, playfully tapping his nose with the tip of her index finger. “I wonder how I got along without you for so long.”

  Shane simply smiled, but he’d actually been thinking the exact same thing. And now he wondered if it worked both ways.

  CHAPTER NINE

  About an hour later, Kendra splashed water from her bathroom sink onto her face and then touched up her make-up.

  On the way back to Pop’s house from the park, Shane had offered to drop her off at her place first, so she could freshen up while he picked up Matt. “Your eyes are all red and puffy,” he’d said. “I don’t want your dad to think I’ve been making you cry…even if I guess I have.”

  When she agreed to his plan, he promised to return with a pizza. By the time Matt came running into the house with Shane behind him, she’d gotten his backpack and lunch box ready for school the next day.

  Since a football game was still on TV, they decided to use the coffee table in the living room as their dinner table and settled down to enjoy the pizza Shane had gotten.

  Kendra turned to Shane. “Want a beer?”

  “Sounds great, but you relax while I get it myself. Can I get one for you too?”

  She shook her head and took a sip of her ice water. “No thanks, I’m good.”

  A little later, after she’d cleared the empty pizza box from the coffee table, she felt she was good in more ways than her beverage selection. Sitting on the sofa next to Shane…not exactly snuggling, but she was still close enough to smell his manly scent, enhanced by the smell of the outdoors from their earlier stroll in the park.

  It somehow felt…dare she say that it simply felt right? The father of her child relaxing on a holiday weekend, enjoying a football game on television while he sat oh-so-close to her. And their son playing with toys on the floor.

  No doubt about it, this was one for Norman Rockwell. Maybe flat screen TVs hadn’t been around in the artist’s day, but the family time they were enjoying on this most American of holiday weekends certainly would have been a suitable subject for one of his paintings.

  All the talk about Shane helping to pay for Matt’s expenses and wanting to spend time with him had gotten her thinking about whether they could ever be a true family. The kind you’d see in one of those idealistic paintings. With
a mother and father who were married to each other.

  Would he even consider it? And if he did, would she want it too? She’d spent so many years resenting what she thought was his “love ‘em and leave ‘em” attitude, that she’d mostly forgotten about the good things she’d liked about him when he was her boyfriend.

  And she wasn’t only thinking about the sex. Although she couldn’t deny that being around him aroused sensations she hadn’t felt in a while. Okay, she admitted that even that guy she’d had a brief relationship with when he’d consulted at work had been able to arouse her. Still, that hadn’t been much more than a physical release for her. She had no special feelings for…Keith—or was he Kevin? It had been so long since she had thought about him that she blanked on his name.

  But it was different with Shane. Was it because he was her first that made him special? She didn’t think so. There was something more.

  Now she was seeing it again, with the way he showed concern for her. Like at the park, when she was crying. He’d been upset by that, she could tell. And he hadn’t been upset in an uncomfortable way, like not wanting to be around someone who was out of control and crying. He was concerned about her and the fact that she was crying. She knew it.

  And that kiss. It was so brief, only a second or two. But what had it meant? Had he merely been trying to make her feel better and kiss away her tears? Or did he feel something more? And if he did, did she want him to feel that something more?

  And what about Matt? Shane had taken to him so quickly. They were developing a genuine connection. She knew marriage to the mother wasn’t a requirement for a healthy father-son relationship. Plenty of divorced dads made things work even though they didn’t live in the same house with their kids.

  With his long legs now sprawled out onto the coffee table, he looked so at home. She couldn’t help thinking it might be true what they said about having a man around the house. It definitely seemed nice right now. Very nice.

  Her thoughts were interrupted when Shane leapt to his feet and yelled, “Touchdown!” Grinning and looking at Matt, he said, “Did you see that run, buddy?”

  She knew Matt had been concentrating on his toy truck for the last few minutes, but she could tell he wanted to please his father when he quickly nodded at him. “Okay, Matt,” she said. “You can watch to see if they score the extra point, and then it’s time for bed. School day tomorrow.”

  Watching the football sail through the uprights of the goalpost, Shane yelled out, “Yeah, baby!” while Matt jumped up and down. After the celebration was over, Shane turned to Matt and said, “Now do what your mom said. You need a good night’s sleep for school tomorrow.”

  Matt gave his father a hug and then followed his mother up the stairs to get ready for bed. She couldn’t help feeling warm inside. This was the way it should be. The way it should have been since Matt was born, whenever Shane’s orders had brought him stateside.

  Shane was right. She had screwed up big time. But could she ever make things right?

  * * *

  After Kendra put Matt to bed for the evening, she returned downstairs to find Shane staring raptly at a commercial for a local auto dealership. A young woman with long black hair sashayed through a showroom filled with cars, swinging her hips, and seductively running her hands over the hoods of pick-up trucks, sport utility vehicles, and sedans. With a black and white checked mini-skirt and scoop-necked black knit top that looked like they’d been spray painted onto her body, there was little doubt about the curves underneath. And the fishnet stockings and high-heeled black boots only increased her appeal to the male members of the audience. Her feminine charms didn’t seem to be lost on Shane, whose jaw was actually hanging slightly open.

  “Am I interrupting something?” She deliberately tried to keep her voice sweet.

  “Huh?” He turned to her, looking startled. “No, they’ve got about four minutes to go until the end of the fourth quarter.”

  Trying to ignore the TV model’s final maneuver of teasingly lifting one leg to place her foot on the front bumper of a sporty red car, Kendra cleared her throat and said, “So, do you think your schedule will make it convenient for you to help us decorate the Christmas tree next Saturday? Matt really wants you to be here.”

  Quickly glancing at the TV and then back to Kendra, Shane said, “Yeah, no problem with my schedule that I can see.” He motioned for her to sit next to him on the sofa. “Come here, I want to talk to you.”

  She sat on the sofa, not sure of what he had in mind, not sure of what she wanted him to have in mind. “What’s going on?”

  “You said Matt really wants me to be here. What about you?”

  “I do too,” she quickly replied. “I think it will be nice for Matt to have his whole family decorating the Christmas tree together. You know, experience some of that warm fuzzy stuff that he’s missed out on.”

  “Let’s stop talking about Matt for a second. If there were no Matt, would you still want me here?”

  “If there were no Matt, you probably wouldn’t have any reason to be here.”

  “Maybe I would. Maybe I wouldn’t.” He gave her a long stare. “Hard to say at this point.”

  “Exactly what point are you talking about?”

  “Well, I’m bunking here because of a fire in my apartment building the other night,” he said. “And please don’t think I don’t appreciate you taking me in. But now there seems to be a double purpose. A roof over my head and getting to know my son better.”

  “And that’s working out pretty well.”

  “Agreed.” He leaned closer to her. “But I don’t want to wear out my welcome. You originally said you wouldn’t mind if I stayed a couple of days.”

  “There’s no rush for you to leave.”

  “Is the double purpose turning into a triple purpose?” He reached over and stroked her cheek. “Not only the roof over my head and getting to know my son, but getting to know you better too?”

  “You tell me.” It was inevitable that they’d learn more about each other in the coming months and years because they’d be communicating about their son. And occasionally seeing each other. But was he referring to something more…intimate?

  Shane had never been the type to be at a loss for words. But it sure seemed to her that he was having a hard time expressing what he was thinking.

  When he didn’t respond, she cautiously continued, “I bared my soul to you today and told you about a guy from my past. And it was kind of humiliating.”

  “I appreciated your honesty,” Shane said.

  She looked down at the floor for a moment. “What about you? I know you’ve spent a lot of time on dangerous missions around the world. But there must have been a few women over the years…”

  Half-afraid of what he might say, she stared at Shane. What if he suddenly confessed to having other children besides Matt? It wouldn’t be that far-fetched. It was easy to picture more than a few women lining up for a chance to be with him. She knew better than to think she was his one and only.

  But hadn’t he said something about Matt being his mother’s only grandchild? Or had he specifically said her only grandson? She suddenly realized she knew very little about Shane’s family background. Back in college, she remembered him mentioning something about growing up without his dad around. Were his parents divorced? Had his father passed away? She felt ashamed that she wasn’t sure what happened to his father.

  Probably not the best time to bring up another emotionally-charged subject. She figured Shane wasn’t accustomed to being the one getting asked the probing questions. And he definitely looked uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that he didn’t even seem to notice when the football game on TV ended with a game-winning field goal.

  Finally appearing to gather his thoughts, he said, “I’m not sure what you’re expecting me to say, but I’m not a player or even anything close to it.”

  “I’m not sure what I’ve been expecting.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been w
ith a few women. I am a healthy young man with a healthy sexual appetite. I’ll admit it.” As she shrank back into the sofa, he said, “I’ve never even gotten close to being serious about anyone. And I don’t want to make it seem like I sleep with any woman who moves. That’s not me.”

  “God, I hope not.” She didn’t want to be one of hundreds. Shane had been special to her. Even if she hadn’t borne his son, she never would have forgotten him.

  And the way he’d made her feel.

  “I actually tend to be pretty particular when it comes to women,” Shane said. “And I’ve been so career-focused that I haven’t had time to look for my so-called happily ever after.” He smiled. “Guess that’s not exactly a news flash for you.”

  “Maybe it’s none of my business,” she said, feeling a little embarrassed—and if she were honest with herself, jealous too—hearing Shane allude to being with other women. “I couldn’t help wondering, that’s all.”

  * * *

  With his years of experience as an army officer, Shane prided himself on usually being able to tell what people close to him were thinking. And he got a vibe from Kendra that she might be interested in taking up where they’d left off many years before.

  From what she’d said earlier that day, it had probably been a couple of years since she’d been with a man. Maybe there’d been a casual encounter or two that she hadn’t wanted to mention after that opportunistic consultant had headed back to Chicago. Even so, she probably wouldn’t mind his caress on her soft skin, starting on her face and then moving to…well, it would be fun to see where it would go.

  And she had let him kiss her today at the park. They had a history together. It was good before. Everything was adding up to him kissing her right now. And not so politely as he’d done this afternoon.

  No, he had to tread carefully.

  Because there was no going their separate ways with this woman again. No matter how things worked out between them romantically, they were always going to have some kind of a relationship. He and Kendra were tied together forever now because of the little boy sleeping upstairs. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, weddings—their paths would be crossing over and over for all kinds of important milestones for their rest of their lives.